i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
