So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
