It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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