He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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