Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
