Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
