He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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