i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
