Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
