wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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