I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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