Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
