I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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