Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
