he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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