I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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