I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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