If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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