Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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