At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
