Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize