We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
