he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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