i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
