Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize