i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
