just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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