she was so not down for the gang bang
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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