you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Randomize
