i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
