My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
