I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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