They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize