Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
