oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
