Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
