dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There's always time for handjobs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
