Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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