my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
God, I missed his penis.
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