i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize