two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
