We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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