I got chris browned last night
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize