I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
