barbara walters just said penis...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
