Who wears a wallet chain?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
