Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
