I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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