He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
