Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
