dude i'm inner monologue high
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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