3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
