I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
