Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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