So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
