Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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