Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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