As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
