He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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