I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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