he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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