yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
