My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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