i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
