you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
soo... how was my night?
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