Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
