We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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